I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
