u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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