Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
