So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
