bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
