Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I met the friendliest cop last night
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
