Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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