After last night, I could never be a politician.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
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