Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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