so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
