And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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