I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
