1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
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