One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
