I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
