You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
