i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
