i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
