Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
