Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
