i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
