you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
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The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
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Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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