There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
