If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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