Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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