Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
