I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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