i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
