I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Randomize
