Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
