saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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