i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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