Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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