Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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