So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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