My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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