So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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