Banned from zoo.
Again?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
