Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I love you. Go after that dick
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
