This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
