I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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