you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
