ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
