what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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