Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
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