I am in a vortex of obligation.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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