do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
ttyl tear gas
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
