She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
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She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
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I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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