something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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