It was confusing and full of hummus
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
