I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
