So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
