After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
