i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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