It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
