So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
