Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
