her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
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Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
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Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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