At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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