I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
