Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
