Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
