Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
