Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
