I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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