yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
