I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
She's not a foreskin expert like you
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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