the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize
