whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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