my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
