These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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