I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
