i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
