My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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