Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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