my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
