He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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