They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
