Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
im having a threesome with these popsicles
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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