I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
