Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
