I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
