I want to have your abortion
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
